Alright so it's been a week since my day 30 has passed. I haven't become lax, I've been as stuck to the plan as ever, however if there is a slip up I'm not starting over. I learn from it and move forward. I can't be stuck in this journey forever and I need to learn control. Not even control, just mindful participating and indulging.
I have yet to decide which reintroduction path I'm going down-the slow route or the fast track. I feel like both have their benefits. For now I'm sticking to the whole 30 (or 60) until I feel like I can indulge with control. Any cravings that pop up I must remain strong through them. It's not a choice to back down.
This week has been good-a normal week for me, however the cravings and want to have things I shouldn't were very strong. I'm assuming due to pms. Those cravings are hard to get through! I usually just distract myself and remind myself I need to fuel my body with good nutritional awesome tasting food, nothing else.
I had to use potatoes (the normal kind) due to my lack of time to get to the store to get sweet potatoes. I felt more bloated than ever!! I wasn't sure if it was due to the pms or possibly the starchy potatoes I had. So this week I'm going back to sweet potatoes in everything. The normal potatoes are just not going to happen for me. I prefer sweet potatoes anyway.
I had the wonderful pleasure to see my aunt on Saturday and most of the family went for a picnic in the park. A little hectic and hard to find an on-plan meal (I usually just hit up the grocery store salad bar and get some chicken), however it was fun hanging out with everyone. It was nice to have the kids just play while we sat and watched them. I went a little ravage on my salad, but I was super hungry due to no breakfast (didn't I mention hectic?). I should have taken my time. Honestly it wasn't that great of a salad. Before I would have loved it, but now....not so much. It was pretty bland.
So now it's week 2 of my journey and I'm continuing to reap the benefits, which finds me hesitant to include anything more in my diet than what I'm already eating. I doubt I'll ever have pasta again, or rice for that matter. It's a filler. It's really not needed (crazy, right?). I will probably be clean eating the rest of my life though. Just to take care of my body and to stop abusing it.
I've also started walking in the morning so I can get my cardio in and my yoga.
I'm very positive about the future and I really hope to maintain my momentum. If I find I'm losing it, the book and my family helps me out. :)
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Whole 30 Results!
Alrighty. So this is the post everyone wants to know about. The results.
Honestly, I have already been feeling the difference for a week or so now. Outwardly I don't know if anyone can tell, however again this is about what I notice and how I feel. I'm sure when I continue (surprise!) there will be more of a noticeable difference.
That's right people, I'm not done yet. Per the book, since I am still craving sugary things and cravings are still at large, reintroduction is not what I'm ready for. I'm ready to continue. It's not meant to be a whole 365, but you are to continue it until you feel like you can control those cravings and to reintroduce foods you have been avoiding and see which ones trigger your inflammation. That will be the next experiment, which will take place when I feel the cravings and the mindset toward baked/sweet goods changes. I have not tamed my sugar dragon completely, yet.
So here are my physical results:
I took measurements of my bust, waist, hips, and thighs, and took my weight.
Bust: 0" lost (stayed the same....don't know how...)
Waist: 3" lost
Hips: 2" lost
Left Thigh: 3" lost
Right Thigh: 3" lost
Total weight lost: 16.4 pounds.
I was expecting about a 15 pound loss, due to my sister's results.
My most surprising result I found was that of the loss around my legs, and my waist. Those were the areas I lost the most. I noticed less plumage around my side, and my jeans are loose around my legs when they didn't use to be. My jeans are loose around the waist too.
Here are the inward results:
Honestly, I have already been feeling the difference for a week or so now. Outwardly I don't know if anyone can tell, however again this is about what I notice and how I feel. I'm sure when I continue (surprise!) there will be more of a noticeable difference.
That's right people, I'm not done yet. Per the book, since I am still craving sugary things and cravings are still at large, reintroduction is not what I'm ready for. I'm ready to continue. It's not meant to be a whole 365, but you are to continue it until you feel like you can control those cravings and to reintroduce foods you have been avoiding and see which ones trigger your inflammation. That will be the next experiment, which will take place when I feel the cravings and the mindset toward baked/sweet goods changes. I have not tamed my sugar dragon completely, yet.
So here are my physical results:
I took measurements of my bust, waist, hips, and thighs, and took my weight.
Bust: 0" lost (stayed the same....don't know how...)
Waist: 3" lost
Hips: 2" lost
Left Thigh: 3" lost
Right Thigh: 3" lost
Total weight lost: 16.4 pounds.
I was expecting about a 15 pound loss, due to my sister's results.
My most surprising result I found was that of the loss around my legs, and my waist. Those were the areas I lost the most. I noticed less plumage around my side, and my jeans are loose around my legs when they didn't use to be. My jeans are loose around the waist too.
Here are the inward results:
- Edema practically gone
- Circulation in my legs improved
- Energy improved
- Sleep improved
- All around good feeling in my body
- Complexion clearer
- Rings fit better
- Wrists seem smaller
- Noticeable slimming of the face/neck area
- Shirts fit better (some are now a bit big)
- Desire to snack less
- Food attachment significantly less
- Sugar cravings are reduced
- Emotional stability improved
- Vaginosis reduced, and thanks to a probiotic has stopped completely (I feel so normal!)
- Stronger nails
- Asthma improved
- No longer sluggish feeling
- No grogginess upon awaking
- Increased libido
- Less bloating
- Less gas
- Improved mood
- Improved optimism
- Less stress effect
- Fewer mood swings
- Improved body image
- Improved self esteem
- Improved confidence
- Less reliance on the scale
- Feeling in control of what I eat
- Clearer thinking
- Faster reaction time
- Higher productivity
- Falling asleep faster
- Less night sweats
- No more restless legs
- Energy levels are even and higher
- No longer need to eat every 2 hours
- Less sugar/caffeine needed to amp up energy
- Healthier relationship with food
- Mindful eating practices
- Consistently reading labels
- Eating to satiety and listening better to my body
- Food is no longer a reward/punishment/stress/comfort
- Food no longer has "side effects"
- Healthy coping strategies to deal with cravings
- No food guilt/shame
- Indulges are deliberate and I savor it
- More knowledge of nutrition
- Meal prep more organized (still not perfect)
That's all I'll list for now. :D Long list!!
Overall, I feel so much better about food, about my body, about cooking and being more organized. I feel like I still have room to improve and grow on, so I'm going to continue on to another 30 days, I might stop and indulge if I feel like I want to (it is going to be Halloween, after all). I just need to remember to savor it, and don't lose control.
I need to maintain my attitude about the food and why I'm doing this, for the next 30 days. It won't be as concrete, as I am going to indulge if I feel like it, but if I'm not in the right mindset I won't do it.
Conscious eating, mindful indulgence, and better feeding my body with the nutrients and energy it needs to go through the day.
Those are my results, and like I said I'll probably post weekly through the next month, and do the reintroduction when I feel like I won't blow my hard work on a bunch of junk food that really isn't worth it. Plus, the side effect my sister had I really am secretly (not so secretly now) hoping for.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
So....about those daily posts...
Today is Day 30.
What happened?
Work. Work happened. I have been super busy and with overtime required I didn't have a whole lot of time and I also spaced it a few times to blog. Eventually I just stopped and it suddenly was day 28, so I decided to just wait until the end and give my summary of the days. I won't list them here, however I will do some highlights of a few days. I will be posting my results tomorrow.
I've posted the day 15 I had, and so I'll be summarizing from day 16 to 30.
This is when I sort of stopped keeping track of what I ate. Not that I went off plan, it just got so repetitive and I was busy, so I just kept doing my thing.
Breakfasts mostly consisted of homefries/fried eggs and fritattas, sometimes just fruit and a larabar.
Lunches/dinners were prepped on my days off and enjoyed for both lunch and dinner. I tried the chicken meatballs, the shepherd's pie, curry chicken, I attempted to eat out one day-it's amazing when you order it differently how much can go wrong- and the chicken salad.
Whatever you choose from these recipes...they are all good. Not one that I've made has turned out gross or weird or just not good. They are ALL wonderful. Honestly. SO GOOD. I've raved about it to my coworkers and there is one where she is super intrigued and feels sorry for me, but honestly it's not too bad.
However...
There were some days I struggled and I was mad and frustrated and wanted to break. Like the time I was visiting my sisters around day 20/21. We did this wonderful painting class and it was so much fun and they were hungry afterward and there was a lovely French shop a few doors down they wanted to stop in to. They had Macrons. *insert rainbow eyed emoji* I had found them. After many bakery stop ins and inquiries about macrons, here it was, a French shop with huge macrons. I was mad. Infuriated. I couldn't believe that after ALL THIS TIME, there they were. When I couldn't have them. I wasn't outwardly showing much at first, because I knew I wasn't going to pick them up. I knew I wouldn't buy any. Saving them would be detrimental, and this shop will always be there and so I didn't feel the need to break this because of those. But I was frustrated about missing the opportunity. I contemplated taking a break, but the whole 30 book about taking those breaks entered my mind and I decided it wasn't worth it. So I just wandered around the shop while everyone else bought something to eat.
There was another time, shortly afterward, where there was a big emotional day. Day 23. A few days after that macron debacle, it had come time to put our dog down. Our goofy, doopy, funny looking, suffering in pain bassett hound. My husband had finally found a Saturday where he could take her to Emporia and lay her to rest in the same field as he placed her sister years and years ago.
That. was difficult. Even worse was to explain why she couldn't smell the flowers after we buried her to my daughter. She was probably more upset that I was losing it than actually losing the dog. She's a tough cookie.
I was actually having irrational thoughts after leaving that town, it was hard to get through.
I really wanted to get ice cream. Another one of those, "I'm not here that often and this is always a treat" sort of situations, and especially with the loss, I was struggling not to delve into comfort food. I did get a burger though, which was ok. They forgot the mustard.
It's really not worth it to eat out. There's not much on plan foods there. Just a tip.
After all those experiences, I went back to work and normal life and I was able to keep my strength and move forward. I find I am slowly disconnecting from going to food for comfort, boredom, etc.
Lately I feel like I've been wanting the things I've been missing out on, namely sweets and baked goods.
Today doesn't feel like the end. Due to the fact that I want those things like cookies and cakes and everything my body doesn't need, I will be continuing this journey until I no longer feel that need to indulge. I will probably take a break for holidays, but I will do it with control, and really contemplate if it is worth it to have it before indulging. I'm not promising daily blogs, however I can commit to weekly at least. I will be notating anything note worthy about the days, especially how I feel and if I had any cravings or even if I caved. Because I stayed strong during the whole 30, I will have to re-commit to the next month and keep that mindset of the goal I want to reach. I feel if I don't set a goal and keep my mindset, I will go off plan and I'll give up. I need to remain strong. I will figure it out and then post it in the results post tomorrow.
What happened?
Work. Work happened. I have been super busy and with overtime required I didn't have a whole lot of time and I also spaced it a few times to blog. Eventually I just stopped and it suddenly was day 28, so I decided to just wait until the end and give my summary of the days. I won't list them here, however I will do some highlights of a few days. I will be posting my results tomorrow.
I've posted the day 15 I had, and so I'll be summarizing from day 16 to 30.
This is when I sort of stopped keeping track of what I ate. Not that I went off plan, it just got so repetitive and I was busy, so I just kept doing my thing.
Breakfasts mostly consisted of homefries/fried eggs and fritattas, sometimes just fruit and a larabar.
Lunches/dinners were prepped on my days off and enjoyed for both lunch and dinner. I tried the chicken meatballs, the shepherd's pie, curry chicken, I attempted to eat out one day-it's amazing when you order it differently how much can go wrong- and the chicken salad.
Whatever you choose from these recipes...they are all good. Not one that I've made has turned out gross or weird or just not good. They are ALL wonderful. Honestly. SO GOOD. I've raved about it to my coworkers and there is one where she is super intrigued and feels sorry for me, but honestly it's not too bad.
However...
There were some days I struggled and I was mad and frustrated and wanted to break. Like the time I was visiting my sisters around day 20/21. We did this wonderful painting class and it was so much fun and they were hungry afterward and there was a lovely French shop a few doors down they wanted to stop in to. They had Macrons. *insert rainbow eyed emoji* I had found them. After many bakery stop ins and inquiries about macrons, here it was, a French shop with huge macrons. I was mad. Infuriated. I couldn't believe that after ALL THIS TIME, there they were. When I couldn't have them. I wasn't outwardly showing much at first, because I knew I wasn't going to pick them up. I knew I wouldn't buy any. Saving them would be detrimental, and this shop will always be there and so I didn't feel the need to break this because of those. But I was frustrated about missing the opportunity. I contemplated taking a break, but the whole 30 book about taking those breaks entered my mind and I decided it wasn't worth it. So I just wandered around the shop while everyone else bought something to eat.
There was another time, shortly afterward, where there was a big emotional day. Day 23. A few days after that macron debacle, it had come time to put our dog down. Our goofy, doopy, funny looking, suffering in pain bassett hound. My husband had finally found a Saturday where he could take her to Emporia and lay her to rest in the same field as he placed her sister years and years ago.
That. was difficult. Even worse was to explain why she couldn't smell the flowers after we buried her to my daughter. She was probably more upset that I was losing it than actually losing the dog. She's a tough cookie.
I was actually having irrational thoughts after leaving that town, it was hard to get through.
I really wanted to get ice cream. Another one of those, "I'm not here that often and this is always a treat" sort of situations, and especially with the loss, I was struggling not to delve into comfort food. I did get a burger though, which was ok. They forgot the mustard.
It's really not worth it to eat out. There's not much on plan foods there. Just a tip.
After all those experiences, I went back to work and normal life and I was able to keep my strength and move forward. I find I am slowly disconnecting from going to food for comfort, boredom, etc.
Lately I feel like I've been wanting the things I've been missing out on, namely sweets and baked goods.
Today doesn't feel like the end. Due to the fact that I want those things like cookies and cakes and everything my body doesn't need, I will be continuing this journey until I no longer feel that need to indulge. I will probably take a break for holidays, but I will do it with control, and really contemplate if it is worth it to have it before indulging. I'm not promising daily blogs, however I can commit to weekly at least. I will be notating anything note worthy about the days, especially how I feel and if I had any cravings or even if I caved. Because I stayed strong during the whole 30, I will have to re-commit to the next month and keep that mindset of the goal I want to reach. I feel if I don't set a goal and keep my mindset, I will go off plan and I'll give up. I need to remain strong. I will figure it out and then post it in the results post tomorrow.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Day 15: Week 3 is here!
This is so crazy that I'm on week 3 already.
Breakfast I made the poached eggs/homefries and it was yum as usual.
Lunch I had chicken meatballs with the cauliflower mash-I don't think I'll eat mashed potatoes ever again! (Whoa, really?)
Dinner I had leftovers of the shepherd's pie I had a taste of yesterday. SO GOOD. Also, NOT fruit! Yay!! :)
My cooking like a fiend has paid off! Also, using the chopper is a serious time saver. I'll definitely have to plan in advance again. I didn't exactly schedule for 3 meals per day, which is why I just resorted to fruit for dinner. I still didn't schedule for 3 meals but I'm just having leftovers because, why not?
Today I was tired. SO tired. And moody, and glum. In a funk! Long day at work, just bleh. All over. It felt like Monday.
I think I need to refresh my memory about how awesome this is and how awesome I'll feel when this is done and the habits I'm breaking right now. I am losing momentum a bit today.
I hope the moods change soon, I can't be sounding glum at work!!
Mmmmm shepherd's pie.....
Breakfast I made the poached eggs/homefries and it was yum as usual.
Lunch I had chicken meatballs with the cauliflower mash-I don't think I'll eat mashed potatoes ever again! (Whoa, really?)
Dinner I had leftovers of the shepherd's pie I had a taste of yesterday. SO GOOD. Also, NOT fruit! Yay!! :)
My cooking like a fiend has paid off! Also, using the chopper is a serious time saver. I'll definitely have to plan in advance again. I didn't exactly schedule for 3 meals per day, which is why I just resorted to fruit for dinner. I still didn't schedule for 3 meals but I'm just having leftovers because, why not?
Today I was tired. SO tired. And moody, and glum. In a funk! Long day at work, just bleh. All over. It felt like Monday.
I think I need to refresh my memory about how awesome this is and how awesome I'll feel when this is done and the habits I'm breaking right now. I am losing momentum a bit today.
I hope the moods change soon, I can't be sounding glum at work!!
Mmmmm shepherd's pie.....
Day 13: Uh...
Yeah day 13 kinda flew by me too. Man is it still foggy or am I just not doing as well as I need to? All I wrote down was what I had for breakfast: poached eggs and homefries.
I also noted that I went for a walk, my energy levels are more even and that digestion isn't the best still. I still get bouts of constipation and loose stools. It's weird and I don't get it but we're rolling with it. I think I need to read the book more, I think I'll get more insight about eating habits.
So since I didn't really write what I had, we'll call it a wash and an oh well, plus a learning experience.
It's a long journey, there will be mistakes. I am not perfect and Thats OK.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Day 14: Temptation Station
Last day of week 2!
Crazy how fast this is going by.
Breakfast was poached eggs and homefries, I also used garlic powder for a different flavor. It's also supposed to have green bell peppers but I didn't have any.
Lunch was a taste of the shepherds pie which was super good and curry chicken with root veg. Not as good as the first time, however I also was cooking all day so I was worn out.
Perk: lunch/dinner for the next few days!
It's nice to have leftovers to go to if I need it. Maybe dinner will stop being an apple.
Maybe.
I did fit in a walk, and I was standing most of the day because I was cooking the two meals to be more prepared. I utilized my vidalia chopper! Saves me so much time.
I'm tired today. I want junk again, which means I need to remind myself of why I'm doing this and push forward.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Day 10: There's a Problem
So I did some grocery shopping, and at closing time for the fish deli (I guess?), I picked up some fresh atlantic salmon. Farm raised. Yeah, I know it wasn't wild caught. But that stuff was 12.99/lb. Pocket book takes precedence over awesome salmon. This stuff was still yummy. 2 little filets cost me under $5. Yes, I had to skin it myself, however the flavor is just so much better fresh. I might get more.
So I had the salmon for breakfast with poached eggs and grapes, and for lunch I had the other filet with homefries. It was good! Not as eye popping as the recipes from the book, but good none the less. I really want to make the hollandaise with it for next week (note to self).
For dinner: An apple.
There's the problem.
Currently I have 2 hours per day of mandatory overtime at work. That gets me home at 630, and when I get home all I do is feed the dogs, feed my daughter and by that time I have maybe a half an hour to prepare something for dinner if I even feel like cooking. There is no stopping when you work full time and you're a mom. Because I'm lazy, I don't cook. I take that half an hour and unwind. I should really put that time away for when B is in bed, but then there are other requirements after bed time. I need to figure this out. This is a problem. I can't be having just fruit at bedtime. I think it's better than nothing, but I need to have something planned for dinner.
This will be a continued struggle between me feeling lazy and also my trying to be awesome and productive 99% of the day.
This is hard.
No, this is not hard. You can do this.
At the end of the day, I was wiped. I get up at 6 ish in the morning to feed the dogs, let them go potty, I start to get breakfast going, I feed B and get her ready for school, then I finish getting ready for work, we're out the door to drop her off at school and then I'm off to work.
So busy.
But I can do this. I need to do this. I need to figure out how to get some sort of dinner prepared.
We'll see how day 11 goes.
So I had the salmon for breakfast with poached eggs and grapes, and for lunch I had the other filet with homefries. It was good! Not as eye popping as the recipes from the book, but good none the less. I really want to make the hollandaise with it for next week (note to self).
For dinner: An apple.
There's the problem.
Currently I have 2 hours per day of mandatory overtime at work. That gets me home at 630, and when I get home all I do is feed the dogs, feed my daughter and by that time I have maybe a half an hour to prepare something for dinner if I even feel like cooking. There is no stopping when you work full time and you're a mom. Because I'm lazy, I don't cook. I take that half an hour and unwind. I should really put that time away for when B is in bed, but then there are other requirements after bed time. I need to figure this out. This is a problem. I can't be having just fruit at bedtime. I think it's better than nothing, but I need to have something planned for dinner.
This will be a continued struggle between me feeling lazy and also my trying to be awesome and productive 99% of the day.
This is hard.
No, this is not hard. You can do this.
At the end of the day, I was wiped. I get up at 6 ish in the morning to feed the dogs, let them go potty, I start to get breakfast going, I feed B and get her ready for school, then I finish getting ready for work, we're out the door to drop her off at school and then I'm off to work.
So busy.
But I can do this. I need to do this. I need to figure out how to get some sort of dinner prepared.
We'll see how day 11 goes.
Day 11 and 12: Running together
So day 11 and 12 sort of blurred together. I notated what I have, but in my notes I'm a day behind. 😬 Oh well.
Another 2 in one post!
Day 11 I had Poached eggs with salsa and grapes, and lunch was the tuna boat mixture (SO GOOD) and a salted sweet potato. Nothing fancy but it was very yummy.
Still found myself eating fruit for dinner. I see a trend.
I also noticed I'm easily overwhelmed, and my cravings are getting worse.
Day 12:
Breakfast was poached eggs with homefries, lunch was chicken meatballs, the cauliflower mash and the tomato sauce. Divine people. That mash was simply AWESOME.
Dinner: an apple.
I know. I'm trying.
During the day I was super happy! A day off, definitely makes me happy. I find my mood is a lot better than it usually is. I'm not such a grump. I still get overwhelmed, but when I'm not working it's better.
I hate working full time. It's hard work.
So now you're caught up on those two days! Getting closer to 2 weeks gone!
Day 9: Where'd you go?
Ok, so my usual breakfast is getting boring. Sad day. I get tongue bored SO FAST. So I had the norm breakfast again, still tasty but I really had to just not think about it and just eat it. It didn't make me want to gag or anything it was just....boring.
Lunch was leftovers of the AMAZING curry chicken. I'm serious guys. If you want any of these recipes just let me know. Or buy the book. That works too.
Dinner was fruit. Grapes and an apple. Again, tired and unprepared. Don't worry, I'll be trying to fix this later (get ready, Steph!) I am in the habit of just snacking at night. I figure my slow metabolism shouldn't be digesting a full meal at night, so by the time morning hits I'm hungry and it's up again. Probably way wrong, but that was the way I thought about it.
I told my co-workers about my food experiment-I called it a cleansing diet-even though I hate that word. Negative connotation, that's for sure. They were intrigued, and wondered what I ate due to the long long list of No's.
Overall, I'm feeling more energy, less puffiness in general. My ring is fitting better, watch is looser and my shirts/pants around the leg/tummy zones are loose. It's awesome! I feel like I have at least twice the circulation in my legs than pre-whole30. These are the things I've noticed so far. I read the emails every day so I know what is usual to happen vs what is happening to me. Mostly the same with a few differences, but everyone is different.
But the fact that I'm already noticing differences...wow. It's been just over a week. Get ready, people! Big changes coming!
Lunch was leftovers of the AMAZING curry chicken. I'm serious guys. If you want any of these recipes just let me know. Or buy the book. That works too.
Dinner was fruit. Grapes and an apple. Again, tired and unprepared. Don't worry, I'll be trying to fix this later (get ready, Steph!) I am in the habit of just snacking at night. I figure my slow metabolism shouldn't be digesting a full meal at night, so by the time morning hits I'm hungry and it's up again. Probably way wrong, but that was the way I thought about it.
I told my co-workers about my food experiment-I called it a cleansing diet-even though I hate that word. Negative connotation, that's for sure. They were intrigued, and wondered what I ate due to the long long list of No's.
Overall, I'm feeling more energy, less puffiness in general. My ring is fitting better, watch is looser and my shirts/pants around the leg/tummy zones are loose. It's awesome! I feel like I have at least twice the circulation in my legs than pre-whole30. These are the things I've noticed so far. I read the emails every day so I know what is usual to happen vs what is happening to me. Mostly the same with a few differences, but everyone is different.
But the fact that I'm already noticing differences...wow. It's been just over a week. Get ready, people! Big changes coming!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Day 8: Welcome to Week Two!
So, breakfast. You know what it was? You'll never guess. Oh shoot, you guessed it. Man, I'm predictable. Poached eggs with salsa, avocado and berries. STILL good. Man we'll see how long this lasts.
Lunch was leftover rotisserie chicken, and my ill prepared self also boiled some eggs to pair with it. Lunch was bland. I hated it. I should've packed paprika or something.
Dinner. You guys! SO GOOD. Oh sorry, did I forget to tell you what it was? It was the curry chicken recipe, and I paired it with the roasted root veggies with the curry sauce for the chicken. YOU GUYS. This was so amazing. It was one of those things where you just stop. Soak in the flavor, close your eyes....just....wow.
I can't even.
Yes, I just said that.
Anyway, during the day I was SUPER hungry. I didn't eat enough I don't think. I was anxious about what I'll eat next, and I was so so so tired. This is why food is fuel. It needs to be fuel. I think my lunch is what did me in. I didn't really have any cravings....Is this normal? I swear I'm not cheating. There are times where someone else has some food and I know I'm not going to eat it, however...I get a little envious.
Short post, I know.
Welcome, Week Two!
Lunch was leftover rotisserie chicken, and my ill prepared self also boiled some eggs to pair with it. Lunch was bland. I hated it. I should've packed paprika or something.
Dinner. You guys! SO GOOD. Oh sorry, did I forget to tell you what it was? It was the curry chicken recipe, and I paired it with the roasted root veggies with the curry sauce for the chicken. YOU GUYS. This was so amazing. It was one of those things where you just stop. Soak in the flavor, close your eyes....just....wow.
I can't even.
Yes, I just said that.
Anyway, during the day I was SUPER hungry. I didn't eat enough I don't think. I was anxious about what I'll eat next, and I was so so so tired. This is why food is fuel. It needs to be fuel. I think my lunch is what did me in. I didn't really have any cravings....Is this normal? I swear I'm not cheating. There are times where someone else has some food and I know I'm not going to eat it, however...I get a little envious.
Short post, I know.
Welcome, Week Two!
Day 6 and 7: Where Did You Come From?
Two days in one post? Yep. you heard right.
Day 6
Breakfast started off like normal, poached eggs, avocado and salsa with blueberries, DELISH, as usual.
Lunch was rotisserie chicken with curry sauce and blueberries. Not too creative, but it'll do. I wasn't exactly satisfied with it but...it was a meal.
Dinner-get ready-Chicken Caccitore (aka a fancy Italian dish). That was YUMMY!
During the day, I noticed my stomach was not as much in the way as it usually is, I had the motivation to clean out of NO WHERE. It was my day off and I just decided to clean, and not stop (making up for during the week where I really have little time to clean). I also noticed my ankles weren't as swollen looking as they usually are (thanks, desk job), I also became so tired around my daughter's bedtime. Sad.
Cravings aren't really much right now, I did have a craving for licorice and there were doughnuts at work of course, but I stayed strong. I'm CHOOSING not to partake. It is MY choice.
Near the end of the day I became gloomy about food, I didn't feel like I ate enough and again, I wasn't quite prepared. Se la vie.
Day 7
Breakfast was the usual, STILL delicious. Not getting old. Love it.
Lunch was left over chicken cacciatore-as I looked at it I didn't think it would be enough, but I ate it anyway. It filled me up pretty well. Come on eyes, stop being like that.
Dinner: Strawberries. Yeah I know, lame. I went grocery shopping and it's just one of those times where you just don't want to cook. I really need to get this dinner thing down because fruit for dinner isn't exactly ideal.
My resistance to sweets is still very strong, I'm very determined to get through this! I mean, I just finished one week down, 3 to go! Can't stop now!
I am missing certain things like bread and chips/crackers...and anything that is comforting to me. So I'll have to break those down to see what is behind that so I can change the habit!
See? Determination.
Day 6
Breakfast started off like normal, poached eggs, avocado and salsa with blueberries, DELISH, as usual.
Lunch was rotisserie chicken with curry sauce and blueberries. Not too creative, but it'll do. I wasn't exactly satisfied with it but...it was a meal.
Dinner-get ready-Chicken Caccitore (aka a fancy Italian dish). That was YUMMY!
During the day, I noticed my stomach was not as much in the way as it usually is, I had the motivation to clean out of NO WHERE. It was my day off and I just decided to clean, and not stop (making up for during the week where I really have little time to clean). I also noticed my ankles weren't as swollen looking as they usually are (thanks, desk job), I also became so tired around my daughter's bedtime. Sad.
Cravings aren't really much right now, I did have a craving for licorice and there were doughnuts at work of course, but I stayed strong. I'm CHOOSING not to partake. It is MY choice.
Near the end of the day I became gloomy about food, I didn't feel like I ate enough and again, I wasn't quite prepared. Se la vie.
Day 7
Breakfast was the usual, STILL delicious. Not getting old. Love it.
Lunch was left over chicken cacciatore-as I looked at it I didn't think it would be enough, but I ate it anyway. It filled me up pretty well. Come on eyes, stop being like that.
Dinner: Strawberries. Yeah I know, lame. I went grocery shopping and it's just one of those times where you just don't want to cook. I really need to get this dinner thing down because fruit for dinner isn't exactly ideal.
My resistance to sweets is still very strong, I'm very determined to get through this! I mean, I just finished one week down, 3 to go! Can't stop now!
I am missing certain things like bread and chips/crackers...and anything that is comforting to me. So I'll have to break those down to see what is behind that so I can change the habit!
See? Determination.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Day 5: Rotisserie chicken woes
For breakfast, I decided to default to how I prefer my eggs - poached. I remember the first time I saw my mom cooking them and I thought she was the biggest weirdo, and even tasting them the first time, I thought, "why would anyone eat these like this?" Now it is pretty much the only way I'll eat eggs. Go figure.
I had bought some salmon, thinking I would have poached eggs on top. And then I read the label (I'm starting to see a trend here...). Not only was there brown sugar and sugar in it, (WHY??) but there was RED and YELLOW dye. So many curse words went through my head and I pretty much had a half meltdown due to frustration, yet again. I cooked it anyway. My husband came home from work for his break and he ate them. At least they didn't go to waste. Lesson learned: READ YOUR LABELS BEFORE BUYING.
So, I decided on poached eggs, a neighbor of avocado, topped with salsa (Pace, no sugar added and no preservatives! Yay!) with a small pile of blackberries.
People, I have found my breakfast. I could eat this for a LONG time. I don't know what it is about it, but it is beautiful, and delicious.
Lunch was the tuna boats, without the boats. I didn't have the endive I needed, so I decided to pair that with a roasted sweet potato. I popped the last one I had in the oven and waited. It took FOREVER! Then I realized the temp was wrong. Facepalm. I think this is the fogginess they've warned me about...and together the tuna and potato weren't great but the potato worked amazing as a palette cleanser. The flavors of the tuna salad are just indescribably good.
Remember the chicken? (If not, read day 4) I was doing well with preparation, I had put the chicken in the fridge to roast for later. I wanted to use our rotisserie function on our toaster oven. Couldn't find the manual-googled it. I downloaded the pdf, and it would only show a few pictures. Oi this was frustrating. Eventually, a good 20 min later, I got the chicken on the spit, and loaded into the toaster oven (burned myself in the process). Chicken is too big (it was 4.25 pounds). The chest of the chicken was too large for the toaster oven. *hangs head* I unload it and removed the spit, placed it on the roasting rack and rub coconut oil, salt and pepper and garlic powder on it. Stuck it in the toaster oven and shut the door. Done. Now I have to wait.
Oh man. When that chicken was done and I was cutting it up, I of course just snacked every once in a while. I will never buy rotisserie chicken from the store. That chicken was so tender, perfectly cooked, juicy. I can't wait to use that later! So excited!
By the time I had lunch. it was about 4. I was seriously regretting my procrastination, yet again. I was STARVING by the time that potato was done. Immediately after the chicken got done, that was my dinner. I just had that chicken. Hot out of the oven, no complaining from me! Bree even came by and got some from me. SO GOOD (I feel like that is a common theme here...is it because of the bad food I've been eating? The sugar? Deprivation?)
As far as my moods go, not good. I do not feel stable haha! In the morning I had to call the LG people, because they sent back my Bluetooth headseat for the SECOND time. Long story, but I took it out on the LG rep I was talking to. I was so frustrated with everything in my life, I didn't need these people to keep sending my broken headset back when I CLEARLY had my receipt IN THE BOX. Pet peeve - people who do not DO THEIR JOBS! *End Rant* I've been moody and cranky, sobby, emotional. Yikes people. Yikes.
Last thing-I know this has been a long post. My sister sent me the emails for the day, and they provided a tip for snacking; if you are genuinely hungry, steamed fish and broccoli sounds good. If it doesn't, you're seeking food for a few reasons other than hunger and you should hold off eating. This is a tip I am going to use in the future. The more you understand what your brain is going through and how it's effecting your body, this gets so much easier. You are in control. You choose, not your body. This is worth it. Keep the end goal in mind. You can do this. This is not hard.
I had bought some salmon, thinking I would have poached eggs on top. And then I read the label (I'm starting to see a trend here...). Not only was there brown sugar and sugar in it, (WHY??) but there was RED and YELLOW dye. So many curse words went through my head and I pretty much had a half meltdown due to frustration, yet again. I cooked it anyway. My husband came home from work for his break and he ate them. At least they didn't go to waste. Lesson learned: READ YOUR LABELS BEFORE BUYING.
So, I decided on poached eggs, a neighbor of avocado, topped with salsa (Pace, no sugar added and no preservatives! Yay!) with a small pile of blackberries.
People, I have found my breakfast. I could eat this for a LONG time. I don't know what it is about it, but it is beautiful, and delicious.
Lunch was the tuna boats, without the boats. I didn't have the endive I needed, so I decided to pair that with a roasted sweet potato. I popped the last one I had in the oven and waited. It took FOREVER! Then I realized the temp was wrong. Facepalm. I think this is the fogginess they've warned me about...and together the tuna and potato weren't great but the potato worked amazing as a palette cleanser. The flavors of the tuna salad are just indescribably good.
Remember the chicken? (If not, read day 4) I was doing well with preparation, I had put the chicken in the fridge to roast for later. I wanted to use our rotisserie function on our toaster oven. Couldn't find the manual-googled it. I downloaded the pdf, and it would only show a few pictures. Oi this was frustrating. Eventually, a good 20 min later, I got the chicken on the spit, and loaded into the toaster oven (burned myself in the process). Chicken is too big (it was 4.25 pounds). The chest of the chicken was too large for the toaster oven. *hangs head* I unload it and removed the spit, placed it on the roasting rack and rub coconut oil, salt and pepper and garlic powder on it. Stuck it in the toaster oven and shut the door. Done. Now I have to wait.
Oh man. When that chicken was done and I was cutting it up, I of course just snacked every once in a while. I will never buy rotisserie chicken from the store. That chicken was so tender, perfectly cooked, juicy. I can't wait to use that later! So excited!
By the time I had lunch. it was about 4. I was seriously regretting my procrastination, yet again. I was STARVING by the time that potato was done. Immediately after the chicken got done, that was my dinner. I just had that chicken. Hot out of the oven, no complaining from me! Bree even came by and got some from me. SO GOOD (I feel like that is a common theme here...is it because of the bad food I've been eating? The sugar? Deprivation?)
As far as my moods go, not good. I do not feel stable haha! In the morning I had to call the LG people, because they sent back my Bluetooth headseat for the SECOND time. Long story, but I took it out on the LG rep I was talking to. I was so frustrated with everything in my life, I didn't need these people to keep sending my broken headset back when I CLEARLY had my receipt IN THE BOX. Pet peeve - people who do not DO THEIR JOBS! *End Rant* I've been moody and cranky, sobby, emotional. Yikes people. Yikes.
Last thing-I know this has been a long post. My sister sent me the emails for the day, and they provided a tip for snacking; if you are genuinely hungry, steamed fish and broccoli sounds good. If it doesn't, you're seeking food for a few reasons other than hunger and you should hold off eating. This is a tip I am going to use in the future. The more you understand what your brain is going through and how it's effecting your body, this gets so much easier. You are in control. You choose, not your body. This is worth it. Keep the end goal in mind. You can do this. This is not hard.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Day 4: I'm Oprah, Anger for Everyone!
Oh day 4, you so silly.
Breakfast was mostly scraps, but it tasted very good. Eggs with salsa. Filling and tasty.
Lunch was leftover chicken with roasted veg in a curry sauce, very good once again (I regretted it later).
Most of the day I felt fine, not as energetic as I was on day 3. By the end of the day I felt a little foggy, I had some *warning TMI* diarrhea from the curry -ouch- I was hungrier between meals (which I read later that it means my body wanted the energy i.e. sugar I was providing to it for energy), I had some anxiety at breakfast over what I was going to eat and I was becoming overwhelmed easier than normal.
Dinners are a struggle, apparently. I got off work and had to immediately go to my daughter's school event and so I didn't really have time to prepare something (I want to mention that they had cookies, however I had no desire to eat them. yay me!) My husband wanted to go to Wendy's after so we did, however we were greeted by unfriendly line cutting JERKS *ahem* anyway...and I didn't really want to order anything due to the the fight freeze or flee response - of which I have the one like a gazelle-my hind end was not staying there very long!! So both of them were fed and I went to the store to get something to eat.
At least, I thought I was.
I ended up purchasing a sugar and preservative laden rotisserie chicken (really, Dillon's?), which I couldn't eat. I was DEVASTATED. I was frustrated, it had been a VERY long day and I wanted nothing better than to just eat yummy chicken that I didn't have to cook.
I broke down. I was done. I walked off into my room and I started crying. So frustrated, hating life. It seems like day 4 was starting early, per the whole 30 book.
My sweet husband took the chicken back to the store, and brought me back a whole, uncooked, farm raised no hormone chicken for me to roast for tomorrow, and what he thought was endives (he got escarole).
I ended up eating seaweed snacks and a fizzy water (with essence of fruit-it's amazing), and I vegged out and went to bed. I couldn't wait for the day to be DONE.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Day 3: Eggs, again?
Day three commenced with me getting up and being pretty groggy. Not quite sure why, but I began the day anyway and started breakfast, like I usually do.
Kitchen sink eggs today-which has green bell peppers, onions, mushrooms and a bit of mustard greens with eggs. I sat down to eat them, I got nauseous. Either I'm making them wrong or I get "egg board" (thanks, Steph) very quickly. I don't know why, but I cannot do eggs in the morning. I've always done yogurt and granola, cottage cheese, eggs on toast...with toast...in toast...you get the drift. I feel like I'm missing something when I'm making these eggs.
For lunch I had some cooked thighs from a few days ago and I made some curry sauce to drizzle on roasted root vegetables. OH MY LANTA. That curry sauce with the vegetables...wow. I knew I loved curry (I am a big fan of Indian food), but this stuff was awesome. Every time I try a new recipe I feel like my taste buds are rudely awakened by the combinations of flavor. I heated it up at work and it was amazing. I was so happy about my awesome tasting food.
During the day I noticed I felt lighter than I usually do, I think that is mostly due to the energy levels I'm experiencing. The foggy-ness has reduced, and my mood and confidence levels have definitely taken an upturn. I rocked it at work!
Let's go day 4!!
Kitchen sink eggs today-which has green bell peppers, onions, mushrooms and a bit of mustard greens with eggs. I sat down to eat them, I got nauseous. Either I'm making them wrong or I get "egg board" (thanks, Steph) very quickly. I don't know why, but I cannot do eggs in the morning. I've always done yogurt and granola, cottage cheese, eggs on toast...with toast...in toast...you get the drift. I feel like I'm missing something when I'm making these eggs.
For lunch I had some cooked thighs from a few days ago and I made some curry sauce to drizzle on roasted root vegetables. OH MY LANTA. That curry sauce with the vegetables...wow. I knew I loved curry (I am a big fan of Indian food), but this stuff was awesome. Every time I try a new recipe I feel like my taste buds are rudely awakened by the combinations of flavor. I heated it up at work and it was amazing. I was so happy about my awesome tasting food.
During the day I noticed I felt lighter than I usually do, I think that is mostly due to the energy levels I'm experiencing. The foggy-ness has reduced, and my mood and confidence levels have definitely taken an upturn. I rocked it at work!
Let's go day 4!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Day 2: Hunger Games
Day two commenced with kitchen sink eggs and for lunch was hash with mustard greens. Breakfast was ok, I was starting to get sick of eggs. I stomached them down, and even though they had tons of flavor, I was a little nauseous from them. Not sure why.
Lunch was yummy, however I was also getting tired of the hash. I think it was the ACV (apple cider vinegar) in it and the fact that I'm not a huge fan of cooked apples that did me in. I probably won't be making that for awhile.
Dinner I had a snack of what I made for the following 2 days-root vegetables in a curry sauce. OH MAN. I just love the curry sauce. It is dynamic.
During the day I try to pay attention to my body, and how it used to feel vs now and any changes I notice. So far I felt less inflamed already, which I felt was odd that I would notice that so quickly. I mean, it's just day 2, can't we get to know each other before the changes happen? I guess my body really needed a break from all the crap. I felt a bit more energy than I normally do on a day to day basis, I was enjoying the flavors of all that I was eating and I am still strong about the sugar cravings.
Mostly.
At work we sit at half cubicles and the girl next to me was eating some sort of bite size cookies. I found myself wanting some. Once I start something like staying away I really try not to disappoint myself by caving on day 2. I reminded myself why I am doing this and I regained my strength. *Phew*
There were a few things I noticed started happening. My hunger between meals is more frequent. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but I try to refrain from eating snacks. I'm contemplating grabbing some approved granola bars in case of dire emergency, but I feel like I might eat those when I feel hungry instead of, "oh crap we're not at home and I don't want to eat out" situation. (Insight welcome)
We'll see what day 3 brings.
Lunch was yummy, however I was also getting tired of the hash. I think it was the ACV (apple cider vinegar) in it and the fact that I'm not a huge fan of cooked apples that did me in. I probably won't be making that for awhile.
Dinner I had a snack of what I made for the following 2 days-root vegetables in a curry sauce. OH MAN. I just love the curry sauce. It is dynamic.
During the day I try to pay attention to my body, and how it used to feel vs now and any changes I notice. So far I felt less inflamed already, which I felt was odd that I would notice that so quickly. I mean, it's just day 2, can't we get to know each other before the changes happen? I guess my body really needed a break from all the crap. I felt a bit more energy than I normally do on a day to day basis, I was enjoying the flavors of all that I was eating and I am still strong about the sugar cravings.
Mostly.
At work we sit at half cubicles and the girl next to me was eating some sort of bite size cookies. I found myself wanting some. Once I start something like staying away I really try not to disappoint myself by caving on day 2. I reminded myself why I am doing this and I regained my strength. *Phew*
There were a few things I noticed started happening. My hunger between meals is more frequent. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but I try to refrain from eating snacks. I'm contemplating grabbing some approved granola bars in case of dire emergency, but I feel like I might eat those when I feel hungry instead of, "oh crap we're not at home and I don't want to eat out" situation. (Insight welcome)
We'll see what day 3 brings.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Complaints, i.e. Before
I thought I would write a list of the complaints about my body - not the outward features like my nose is funky looking - but the list of things I feel like bad food has caused. Here goes:
If I figure out any more, I'll edit this. :)
- Pitting Edema in my calves
- Muscle/Skin tenderness
- Asthma
- Heart palpitations with caffeine
- More hair growth than normal
- PCOS
- Extra cushion in the middle
- Bloating
- PMS
- Chronic bacterial vaginosis
- Menstrual Cycles too long-2 weeks or more
- Excessive hair sebum
- Obesity
- Chronic Fatigue
If I figure out any more, I'll edit this. :)
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Day 1: Unexpected
So I started day one on a whim. I tried setting dates dozens of
times. I mean DOZENS. Just like the book instructs you to do. However, I
didn't do it. I couldn't commit. I kept binge eating things I knew I
would have to go without. Then one day, I decided this was day one. I
tried it. I did it.
Hmm. This wasn't so bad.
I didn't really note anything much for the day, but I remember walking past the vending machine and I didn't even want to look into it! I just walked past it, avoiding eye contact like we had just broke up. The majority of the day I didn't think I was going to make it. I kept thinking I was going to just cave in and give up (I had previously tried day one the day before and caved with chips and a muffin at lunch).
But I won the day.
Breakfast: Kitchen sink eggs
Lunch: Hash with mustard greens
Dinner: 2 Apples (it was late, and again, I'm lazy.)
As I moved into day 2, I was very doubtful of myself. Didn't think I'd make it through day 2.
Hmm. This wasn't so bad.
I didn't really note anything much for the day, but I remember walking past the vending machine and I didn't even want to look into it! I just walked past it, avoiding eye contact like we had just broke up. The majority of the day I didn't think I was going to make it. I kept thinking I was going to just cave in and give up (I had previously tried day one the day before and caved with chips and a muffin at lunch).
But I won the day.
Breakfast: Kitchen sink eggs
Lunch: Hash with mustard greens
Dinner: 2 Apples (it was late, and again, I'm lazy.)
As I moved into day 2, I was very doubtful of myself. Didn't think I'd make it through day 2.
Why I've Decided to Embark
I'm not expecting anyone to read this, this is not about you anyway.
This is about my journey, my struggles, my thoughts and my process.
There are so many things I do not like about myself, so many things I
want to change. This journey is a detox. A detox for not only my body,
but my mind and the relationship I have with food.
I have realized I have a crutch with food. My current employment causes a lot of stress, and because I do not want to start smoking/drinking, the only option left that was logical was food. Chocolate or candy bars every day sometimes twice a day, thanks to the vending machine. That is just at work. While I'm at home it's not as bad, but there is a lot of eating that is just "bored" eating. So I tend to over eat while I'm at home, going to the fridge too often for something to snack on.
I'm also really lazy.
Hard to admit, but it's true. Since I've started working, I have stopped wanting to cook. I went to pbj's, grilled cheese, cereal for dinner....etc. Because it was easy and fast. I wanted the fastest way to get food in my mouth. I have yet to figure it out, but there it is. My crutch. But that is not all, no no. there's more (isn't there always?).
I also believe that subconsciously I am keeping weight on my body as protection. Protection from attention. There were times in my life where I was comfortable enough with myself to start to take care of my body, and I lost over 70 pounds. I started jogging and I loved it. It was the outlet I needed for any frustrations, I fought past that 1/4 mile mark, the 1/2 mile mark, and eventually I could jog 3 1/2 miles straight, without stopping.
And then the attention started.
Needless to say, there were a few boys involved and there were some things I wish I had the spine to say to them or just say "I'm worth more than this" and cut them out of my life. There was one relationship where I stopped jogging, stopped being happy, and started stressing out more. This ended up in weight gain. I had gained back 42 pounds of my 70 I lost. I stopped getting compliments. I started to get comments. I hated myself for how I looked.
I met and married a wonderful man who loves me for me, no matter how I look and is constantly complimenting me. I had a beautiful daughter, with a stressful pregnancy. I gained 40 pounds with her. I ate and ate while I was pregnant. I was going to school full time and working part time at that point, so there was a lot of stress (seems to be a trend...), and her birth was the worst experience with the greatest gift at the end. I have yet to bounce back from that.
So, when my sister did this elimination diet, I was very intrigued. I watched her through her experience and I feel like the simple drive to heal your relationship with food will get you through the 30 days. I started incorporating recipes from the book into my diet, and they were so yummy. I made a few and they were really good.
This will be no easy feat. I work full time, hardly any time to be at home chopping/dicing/slicing and preparing everything. Some of these recipes are involved, a lot of preparation, a lot of dishes. I hate dishes.
I want to say that my determination is strictly about my food-nat relationship, however it's not. I want to lose weight. I want to look better, feel better, act better. I want to say no to the doughnuts at work, the snacks and candy in the machine and take my time with the food instead of scarfing until I'm full in fear of someone else will take the food.
I have a LOT of issues to work through, this is a way to get some of them worked out. I have a fear of being "fit," being judged while eating in public, fear of food shortage or sharing (can't pin down that one). What I want is to take my time, enjoy the food, and be more aware of my body and how it responds.
I hope I have expressed this well enough, and didn't go on any curvy paths trying to get there. I could keep going because thoughts keep coming, but I'll just stop here.
I've decided to take this journey, make changes, improve on my quality of life, and just be better.
Day One.
I have realized I have a crutch with food. My current employment causes a lot of stress, and because I do not want to start smoking/drinking, the only option left that was logical was food. Chocolate or candy bars every day sometimes twice a day, thanks to the vending machine. That is just at work. While I'm at home it's not as bad, but there is a lot of eating that is just "bored" eating. So I tend to over eat while I'm at home, going to the fridge too often for something to snack on.
I'm also really lazy.
Hard to admit, but it's true. Since I've started working, I have stopped wanting to cook. I went to pbj's, grilled cheese, cereal for dinner....etc. Because it was easy and fast. I wanted the fastest way to get food in my mouth. I have yet to figure it out, but there it is. My crutch. But that is not all, no no. there's more (isn't there always?).
I also believe that subconsciously I am keeping weight on my body as protection. Protection from attention. There were times in my life where I was comfortable enough with myself to start to take care of my body, and I lost over 70 pounds. I started jogging and I loved it. It was the outlet I needed for any frustrations, I fought past that 1/4 mile mark, the 1/2 mile mark, and eventually I could jog 3 1/2 miles straight, without stopping.
And then the attention started.
Needless to say, there were a few boys involved and there were some things I wish I had the spine to say to them or just say "I'm worth more than this" and cut them out of my life. There was one relationship where I stopped jogging, stopped being happy, and started stressing out more. This ended up in weight gain. I had gained back 42 pounds of my 70 I lost. I stopped getting compliments. I started to get comments. I hated myself for how I looked.
I met and married a wonderful man who loves me for me, no matter how I look and is constantly complimenting me. I had a beautiful daughter, with a stressful pregnancy. I gained 40 pounds with her. I ate and ate while I was pregnant. I was going to school full time and working part time at that point, so there was a lot of stress (seems to be a trend...), and her birth was the worst experience with the greatest gift at the end. I have yet to bounce back from that.
So, when my sister did this elimination diet, I was very intrigued. I watched her through her experience and I feel like the simple drive to heal your relationship with food will get you through the 30 days. I started incorporating recipes from the book into my diet, and they were so yummy. I made a few and they were really good.
This will be no easy feat. I work full time, hardly any time to be at home chopping/dicing/slicing and preparing everything. Some of these recipes are involved, a lot of preparation, a lot of dishes. I hate dishes.
I want to say that my determination is strictly about my food-nat relationship, however it's not. I want to lose weight. I want to look better, feel better, act better. I want to say no to the doughnuts at work, the snacks and candy in the machine and take my time with the food instead of scarfing until I'm full in fear of someone else will take the food.
I have a LOT of issues to work through, this is a way to get some of them worked out. I have a fear of being "fit," being judged while eating in public, fear of food shortage or sharing (can't pin down that one). What I want is to take my time, enjoy the food, and be more aware of my body and how it responds.
I hope I have expressed this well enough, and didn't go on any curvy paths trying to get there. I could keep going because thoughts keep coming, but I'll just stop here.
I've decided to take this journey, make changes, improve on my quality of life, and just be better.
Day One.
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